Self-Esteem Issues and My Body Issues

This past week, I watched Oprah. She had Carson Kressley on the show. Carson hosts a lifetime television show, How to Look Good Naked. I've seen clips for the show, but I thought I'd never in a million years watch it. Well, I think I may be a fan now.

Carson took two women with body image issues and showed them how to love their bodies. I was surprised at my own tears as I watched the women transform from low self esteem to beautiful women, posing in the nude for beautiful photos. It was truly amazing.

When did my self-esteem issues start? Oh wow. Let me think. Near the end of my senior year in high school, I remember listening to a few of the cheerleaders giggling right behind me. Then I heard one of the girls (Karen) say something about me losing 10 or 20 pounds, then I'd be gorgeous. WHAT? I wanted to slap her. Or cry. If it hadn't been for the fact she called me pretty, I may have cried. I wasn't fat!! Okay, so I wasn't a size 2 in high school. Alright. I wasn't even a size 5 or 7. But at a size 9, I wasn't fat!

Up until that year, I ran around all summer in my two piece swimsuit or in a bikini top and daisy dukes. We lived on the beach (literally)... our property was beach front. So we were always on the beach. That summer, because of that one little statement, I was self concious about how good I did or didn't look on the beach.

It didn't take too long for me to get over being self concious about how I looked. My huge loving family of aunts, uncles, and a bazillion cousins always made me fee like I was a model.

A couple years later, I was married, then I had a baby. My baby was born in May, not leaving any time to get ready for summer wear. I bought a swimsuit anyway. I think it was a size 11 or 12. My darling hubby said something about me being a cow.... well. You can imagine how good that made me feel. Yes. He lived through it. And I'm still married to him.

My entire life, I had lived on the beach or in the water... that summer of 1981, my life changed. I look at photos of myself back when my baby was born and I think... oh how I wish I was that fat again.

How I really wish I had someone like Carson Kressley in my life back then...